The Back Story

     I was just finishing the first trimester of Ransom's pregnancy at Rylan's first birthday.  I really wasn't ready to have #3 as close (and neither was Nick), but it wasn't long after Ransom turned 1 that I did start to feel "ready."  I knew it was still early, that Nick wasn't ready, and that waiting a few more months so that we would have a fall 2012 baby would be better.  It was something that I prayed about and asked for God's timing and that Nick and I would be in agreement about it.  Well, I started having a feeling of "what about a July 4th baby" and "What if we started trying when Ransom starts walking."  Both of these things ended up happening and coinciding at the same time, and Nick said that it sounded great to him! 
     We decided to start "trying" in October.  I started feeling weird at about the 3 week point...trying to start my period, but it just didn't seem right.  I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  Even though I typically have very short cycles, it was still really early (only about day 23).  After a couple of more weird days, I took another pregnancy test on Saturday.  I took it at a store on the way to a friend's shower.  After the 5 minute drive to the shower, it was negative, but several hours later when I got back in the car, it was positive.  There was no way of knowing if it was a viable positive, so I took another test when I got home.  It was positive!  I, was, of course, excited, but still just wasn't feeling quite right.  I waited and took another test on Monday and it was also positive.  On Tuesday, Nick left for a work trip to Florida and I headed to take the boys to the mall.  While there, I started bleeding very heavily and headed home.  A negative test on October 25th confirmed that we had lost that pregnancy. 
    All of this happened within just a few days...all before I was even due to start my period.  Others have questioned why I was even taking tests.  A valid question that I have also asked myself.  I guess the answer is just that I usually have short cycles and that I just knew that something other than a normal period was going on.  Typically, I am an open book about events and run to my husband or my best friend to talk about whatever might be going on.  This time was different.  Several circumstances (Nick being out of town, my mom being in town, my best friend being very late in her pregnancy) led me to just keep it to myself.  It was a great blessing because I was able to process it with the Lord!  I felt like He had prepared me for the entire situation.
    I don't chronicle all of those details to be depressing.  Really, it's hard for me to even use the word "miscarriage" to describe the situation because I have seen so many others suffer such greater loss!  But, I share the details because I feel like they are significant in the blessing of our little girl!  Why??

• This miscarriage led Nick and I to feel like we should keep "trying" to get pregnant in November even though we had originally said that we would NOT try this month because it would put the due date so close to Ransom's birthday.
• I have been told that you are more fertile after a "miscarriage" and also that you are more likely to have a GIRL!

   Obviously, I am not trying to say that these events are what created our baby girl as opposed to God.  Quite the opposite.  I think that these are the events that God planned, used, orchestrated, and designed to give us exactly the baby that He intended for us at exactly the right time!