After reading a post about someone's awesome workout: "Wow, I wish I could have that kind of motivation/discipline/determination. Maybe, I should start working out a little more. Maybe I should start getting up a little earlier to work out. I should get up at 6:30 everyday and workout." Pause in thoughts, followed by "Who am I kidding? I never get up at 6:30. Why do I suddenly think that I could get up at 6:30 EVERYDAY? Screw it...who needs to work out. I'm gonna go lay on the couch."
After seeing a fun craft idea: "I should really do more crafty things with Rylan. It would be fun to play with play-doh or pull out the color wonder finger paint. Maybe I should make some fun craft ideas to pull out when we have time - magnetic pom poms, a sensory tub or maybe we could start having craft time every morning when Ransom takes a nap." Pause in thoughts, followed by.. "Who am I kidding? It would take me days to get crafts ready, hours to get things set up/cleaned up, and Rylan would be entertained by it for minutes. Screw it...crafts are overrated. Let's turn on Mickey Mouse!"
I could go on to include similar conversations about eating healthier, managing finances better, couponing, implementing better "chore systems," etc., etc., etc.! The list really is ENDLESS!! I have been tempted to block all blogs, deactivate all accounts and remove myself from the outside world altogether. The cycle of inadeqaucy/comparison is definitely a stronghold of sin in my life. I am also embarrassed to admit that I have often found myself adding the following tagline to other people's updates about the awesome things that God is doing in their lives: "And Elisabeth is a crappy wife/mom because she isn't doing _________(i.e. working out, cooking an awesome dinner tonight, etc.)!" Head hung in shame...I know...First of all, none of the people in my life would judge me that way. And, secondly, who am I to think that other people would spend that much time thinking about me!! Seriously!! I know it's sad, but what can I say...Satan does crazy things to our thoughts sometimes!!
Praise God, He is working in my life in this area. By His grace, I have grown A LOT in this area and am learning (daily) what His desires and plans are for ME as NICK's wife, and RYLAN and RANSOM's MOM. I'm the only person in the world with that job description!
With all of this being said, a friend had an update that I found to be SOOOO encouraging/convicting/freeing!!
"I am finding that if I feel like I have a personal conviction that comes during time spent with the Lord, those are the changes I need to worry about. If I get a guilt trip from reading an article or talking to another mom, those are the things I need to lift up to the Lord and trust that He'll let me know when/if that change is right for my family."
Isn't that SOOO good??!!
Thank you, Lord for freeing me from Satan's stronghold of GUILT!! Thank you, for the Spirit's gentle prompting of my heart when You see areas that need to be changed to bring You glory!! Thank you, for removing jealousy/inadequacy/guilt from my heart and allowing me to offer genuine praise for the ways that You are blessing others!! And thank you for showing me grace when I forget all of this (yet again) and have to be reminded (yet again)!! You are so good to me!!
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Isn't God Great! I'm sure you are a fine Mom. Don't feel out of it for what you don't do. Think of what you do do. Find some encouraging blogs, and don't read the ones that have been making you think you are bad. I don't do a lot of things, but I ask God often for contentment and selflessness.
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